Comet, Eclipse, North Korea - End of the World Teen Party and 'Night of the Comet'

So there's a total eclipse of the sun coming up in a few weeks, if you haven't heard. What would that once in a lifetime event be like without a taste of some apocalyptic fun? People have been fearful of heavenly body-related events for centuries, but don't worry. The world hasn't blown up...yet.

The low-budget, sci-fi/horror/teen comedy cult flick Night of the Comet (1984) is a fun way to set up your own "what would I do if I was one of the last people on Earth" fantasy plans. Yes, there are zombies around, but yes, you also get machine guns.

Teen sisters Reggie (Catherine Mary Stuart) - sporting Brooke Shieldsian brows and big, blown-out Dynasty hair - and Sam (Kelli Maroney) - sporting a big, blown-up, bubble blonde perm - are on the run from the post-apocalyptic comet event that has turned most of the population into red dust. It doesn't matter that both actresses were in their mid 20s when playing 18 and 16 respectively, just go with it.

"Petulant" looks good in the ketchup and mustard realness that Sam sports:

Uzis and hair dryers are their weapons.

It's great to see two young women as action leads in a 33-year-old movie, even if it was relegated to B-movie status. The $700K production made a profit of $14.5 million at the box office. B-movie can be big business.

Although some of the FX are shoddy and laughable, shots of the desolation vibe in the middle of a red-tinted, empty downtown L.A. is quite stunning, especially for such a small indie film.

The first half of Comet is a fun '80s blast of adventure, the sizzle of teens loose in the city. One of the most iconic parts of the movie is the sisters' shopping spree through an abandoned mall.

It wouldn't be the '80s without a montage sequence of trying on clothes, all set to a piss-poor cover of Cyndi Lauper's 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun.' But the shoulder pad, mid-'80s businesswoman warrior look is on point.

Drop the blush brush, grab the Uzi.

Trying on ropes of pearls and fur coats comes to an end when they battle a bunch of teenage boy zombies who rule the mall. It's a fun, actiony stand-off and a highlight of the film.

But once the subplot about a small band of evil scientist/survivalists becomes the main plot, Comet starts to trail off. It becomes a bit of a Day of the Dead knock-off, with a slow, dull vibe that sputters when it could have been fast-paced and high octane. Instead the final third of the film becomes the slowest 95-minute "action film" you've ever seen.

But don't worry, the girls win...and rock an epilogue, with a simple one-piece bathing suit, beach wrap, and plastic mesh carry-all.

While Sam goes for fun in the sun, Reggie decides on buttoned-up, sister-wife, Mormon mother of two.

Although fondness for the fun, dumb, Reagan-era apocalypse of Comet is strong, I feel like a modern remake could be great, if done well. A sacrilegious idea to some, I know. But if someone with the sharpness of Ben Wheatley (Kill List, High Rise) or Edgar Wright (Shaun of the Dead, Baby Driver) got a hold of it, maybe it could sing? I'd gladly write the script.

Pagan Cage: 'The Wicker Man' and a Remake of a Remake

Here is the trailer for the unsettling and spectacular 1973 British cult thriller/horror movie The Wicker Man:

And the trailer for the misbegotten American remake from 2006, starring an aimless, horribly miscast Nicholas Cage:

Butchery anyone? The original British film, based on a late '60s novel called Ritual, concerns an uptight, upright Christian police sergeant named Howie (Edward Woodward) searching for a missing girl on Summerisle, a remote island off the coast of Scotland. The inhabitants of Summerisle have abandoned Christianity in favor of a nature-centric paganism, much to the intense distrust of Howie.

No spoilers, but the film centers around the island's nefarious leader, Lord Summerisle (a fantastic turn by horror stalwart Christopher Lee) and his desire to keep the island's fruit harvest going strong, year after year. It's the lifeblood of the island. To keep this going, sometimes there needs to be sacrifice. Or "a" sacrifice, if you will. One Christian prig vs. an island of pagan men, women,and children, ready to protect at a moment's notice. Do the math.

This cult film about, well, a UK cult in the free love, hippie dippie early '70s is the major hook for this film. A series of folk song performances scattered throughout almost turn it into an odd, colorful musical about worshiping nature's power, even at the expense of killing people who get in the way.

The film is a sharp, slow burn, seemingly frolicsome and harmless at first but with a sinister undercurrent (I suppose depending on your religious affiliation) of one faith trumping another. It's truly an original and stunning feature that was highly underrated for decades.

Then in the mid-'00s, playwright Neil LaBute decided to write and direct a remake of the film as a sort-of misogynist (on purpose?) reframing of the story, with Summerisle being almost entirely populated by females, and, we discover, an island of Salem witch ancestor escapees.  

I guess that fuels Cage's over-the-top performance (see the above "Best of" clips reel, where this horror movie is easily recut as an unintentional comedy) and has him punching out, shoving, slapping, shaking, and knocking over most of the main female characters in the film. They do exact their sweet revenge by forcing hundreds of bees into a helmet over Cage's face, stinging him repeatedly as punishment for this remake being made.

Although a small indie "companion piece"/non-sequel/non-remake titled The Wicker Tree (2012) -written and directed by the original film's Robin Hardy - was released, it didn't get much attention. It was seen as an adequate but unimpressive continuation.

Is 11 years to early to start a remake of a remake? Although there are successful, raw, and tantalizing shades of The Wicker Man in Ben Wheatley's terrifying 2011 film Kill List, what if Wheatley did a full-on remake of the original? Or maybe Sean Durkin, the director of the dread-filled, cult escapee indie Martha Marcy May Marlene, tried his hand at it?

Or for the remake-abhorrent, how about a new take on the tale of an isolated cult being accessed by an interloper? What if the cult was anti-technology, pro-back to nature survivalists housed in a pleasant world of nouveau hippie smiles and Father John Misty folk tunes? There could be chilling power in that version.